Receiving feedback

I've never exactly done well at taking compliments.  I like to think I receive feedback a little better, but compliments just make me uncomfortable.  The whole thing is especially weird when folks feel like they have to say something nice even when they really have nothing to say.  Whether it has to do with how I receive them or the impulse from which they emerge, compliments are just awkward for me.  Yet, sometimes you get something really fresh and totally unexpected.  I still don't know how to take it but I had to share it somewhere.  I didn't want to plaster it all over facebook, so perhaps this is as good a venue as any.

 I should preface this by saying I don't know when I have felt so dry in terms of having a word to preach.  Late Saturday, I was exhausted from a lock-in and the best I could manage were fragments of thoughts and no clear direction.  We had a couple of first-time visitors in worship today (praise be to God).  After the service, one of them approached me and said: "You have a gift.  When you get up there you just lose any of that southern boy persona and your face and everything is different.  You're just like Moses."  Now, I can honestly say, I've never received sermon or worship feedback quite so unique.  So what in the world are you supposed to do with something like that?

I'm still trying to figure out what is my southern-boy persona (never mind trying to figure out how they know or ever met Moses).  I guess somehow the spirit moved through and in spite of me.  I write all this on the eve of appearing before my PPRC committee for my annual review.  Here's hoping for some uniquely genuine feedback and for the wisdom to process it.

Flubbed

Ever had one of those days?  All you had to do was basically lace your shoes and it would be golden.  But, you couldn't even pull that off.  Those are even more frustrating than the days when nothing is going your way.  These are the days when you had only one thing you had to accomplish for the entire 24 hours and yet somehow you managed to flub that too.  It's sort of like when my wife spends the afternoon preparing a delicious treat, places it in the oven, and then asks me to pull it out an hour later.  I didn't have to prepare it or put in any effort of my own.  All I had to do was get up, reach down, and lift it out of the oven when the timer was up.  Yet, somehow, 75 minutes later it dawns on me that I had a task to do.  (So much for pound cake).

Presidential candidate Mitt Romney seemed to have one of those days this weekend.  Word was out that at a Saturday morning campaign appearance in Virginia, Mitt would announce his pick for a VP running mate.  Tons of work had gone on behind the scenes to make this pivotal moment come to fruition.  The only responsibility he had was to introduce Paul Ryan as the next VP of the United States.  Well, as you may have heard, Romney even flubbed that.  Mitt's speech hits a crescendo and everyone listening leans in for this proclamation, only to have him wind up introducing Paul Ryan as the next President of the US. 

Don't you just love those days?  You have one simple thing to accomplish and you can't even manage to get that right.  I've had my share.  I'm sure I'm in for many more before my days here on earth are done.  But, in the meantime, you just have to smile, shake your head, and laugh (a lot).  Thanks God for giving me what I truly need in life to fulfill your purposes for me and not what I want. 

Chris Hughes Renewal Series Aug 5-8!

Receiving a blessing

I just returned yesterday from a remarkable 7 day experiment in Christian community in Huntersville, NC by the name of Salkehatchie.  Awash with emotion and overwhelmed with fatigue, I'm trying to make sense or put to paper the awakenings that were stirred within me over those 168 hours.  It's almost an impossible task.  Yet,  this morning, a 15 year-old young man helped me do that.  He gave me a few words that I now give to you.  It may have been the best birthday gift I received.

I welcomed my birthday with a charge-wide service led by our youth who recounted the stories and experiences of a week in service and mission to the glory of God.  Not only did their stories become the message for the day, they each took a role in the regular order of service.  For the prayers of the people, one young man came forward, asked everyone to bow with him in prayer, knelt at the altar, and began to pray.  As he closed his prayer, he added these words:  "And thank you God for sending us such a great preacher who really cares about us, and wants to do stuff with us."  Normally, I avoid such praise or attention like the plague.  But today, it only added to this week-long awakening and it meant the world to a 32 year old preacher who is still trying to figure out what it means to live into his calling.  It meant the world and it also gave me some words for these past 7 days - words I wanted to share with you.

After ten years, ten weeks, and 1,680 hours of experimental Christian community, Salkehatchie- Huntersville closed a chapter in a life-transforming supplement to the greatest story ever told.  Ten years ago, Jerry & Mona Kita answered a call to ministry and today we are still trying to find the words to describe a ripple of resurrection that has spread across the Carolinas.  I wish I had a better way of saying thank you or of singing praises of thanksgiving to my God like never before.  Perhaps the only way I know of doing that is to offer a blessing.  So, receive this blessing:  "Thank you God for sending us such great preachers, like Jerry & Mona, who really care about us and want to do stuff with us."  The "service" has ended, the mission begins.

Breaking Dawn

        No, I can't say I'm actually a Twi-hard fan of the whole Twilight trilogy of books or movies.  (Alas, however, I did actually end up seeing this one, but that's another story entirely).  The title pun is actually in reference to my final morning on the Lake at Annual Conference this year.  We all see evidence of God's handiwork at sometime or another, and this just happened to be one of them.  Normally, I try to jog around the lakeshore.  But, I slowed down enough that morning to watch creation speak afresh.  Earlier than usual, I was treated to a majestic sunrise over the horizon that sat the hills aglow.  Approaching the wooden bridge over the dam, the temperature variation in the water and the cool 55 degree air gave way to a dense foggy mist cascading back over the bridge and surging across the lake's surface.  As the planks below my feet began to rattle with the steady rhythm of my strolling pace, I spotted atop the bridge railing a single, plump (what i believe to have been) robin.  She was gazing out across the fog marching in and wasn't startled in the slightest as I stood directly behind her.  For a moment, I wondered if she were okay because I could almost reach out and touch her, yet she was so stoic and still.  After gazing with her, I continued across to the other side of the bridge.  Looking skyward again, I was treated to the complete opposite of what I had witnessed minutes earlier.  There, atop a utility line strung across one edge of the shore to another, was a scene directly out the memorable Pixar short, "For the birds."  There had to have been at least 80 birds, (of what species I am uncertain), nesting on the line and bending it to an obtuse V-like angle hovering just above the water.  What a breathtaking morning!  And all the while, the reverse cascade of fog rolled in off the dam dancing toward the western shore.  It was a beautiful ending to an inspiring Annual Conference and a remarkable beginning to the Sabbath.  "He looks at the earth, and it trembles; He touches the mountains, and they smoke.  I will sing to the LORD as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God while I have my being."

How do you know?

        "How do you know if you’re called?  How do you know if you’re being called?  You’re a pastor, so what was it like for you?  How did you know you were called into ministry?"

        If you’ve ever had a house, then you know there’s always something that needs to be done.  Sometimes it’s something you can take care of yourself.  Other times, it requires the help of a skilled professional.  We’ve had a storm drain installed, a roof patched, trees removed.  You name it.  But, in my short-lived experience, I’ve never had a conversation with a repairman or contractor like that – that is, until about a month ago.  

        I’m on long distance with a young man who is sharing with me the details of a work estimate.  We’re discussing materials, labor, time, and all of those specifics.  I’m trying to ask informed questions.  And then, he asks me a question that leaves me stunned.  "I was looking at your card again," he says, "and I noticed you’re a pastor.  So I had something I was hoping to ask you."  (My mind immediately thought, "Uh-oh? There’s no telling where this is going.").  Then, he asked it.  "How do you know if you’re called?  You’re a pastor.  So what was it like for you?  How did you know you were called into ministry?  I feel like God’s been trying to show me something.  I keep having these dreams.  I keep feeling like he’s nudging me at church.  I think maybe he’s calling me to be in ministry.  But how do you know?"  
Stunned silence.

        I still haven’t recovered from that moment.  I don’t know if I’ll ever have a conversation like that again with a contractor, but I hope I do.  After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I did my best to try to affirm him and listen.  We have covenanted to be in prayer and meet to discuss this further.  And so, tonite I'm praying for a contractor and his wife.  God, use these materials to build your Kingdom.  Amen.

Everyone should have a child

          Last night my wife and I had a night to ourselves.  This might sound beyond belief but we went out for dinner at a restaurant!  I assure you it's true.  You see, we have a beautiful 14 month old daughter and last night she had a sleepover with the grandparents. 
          If there's one thing I've learned from this unbelievable, and at times crazy, experience of trying to be a dad, it's how incredibly selfish I am.  No one ever mentions this when you're expecting a child.  The closest thing people would say is "that changes everything."  Maybe that's what they actually meant, that you'll find out how incredibly selfish you are.  When a child comes into your life, it's no longer about you.  Instead, all your efforts, your schedule, and your energies are focused on caring, nurturing, and loving that child.  As I've looked back on my life, I've noticed just how much of my world revolved around me.  What I felt like, wanted to do, or decided to pursue.  Catching a matinee, hours of pick-up games, or 1am Target runs are a thing of the past.  Do I miss it?  Absolutely!  Would I change it?  No. 
           Having a child is priceless.  And it's something I wish everyone should have.  I think the world would be a better place if we were all awakened to the reality of our self-centeredness and invited to learn how to give our self for others.  Marriage is just the first step.  You begin to learn it's not all about you.  But fatherhood or motherhood?  Well, that's the gauntlet.  Because then you realize it was never about you.  Your true delight becomes emptying yourself so completely that someone else might thrive and grow and love.  My daughter gives me untold treasures.  (Not the least of which is her irresistible smile).  But, her best gift so far is teaching me how to be empty for others.